Waiting for a moment almost desperately and seeing it finally not achieve any sense of fruition is one of the biggest possible disappointments. It is probably the best place to locate the painful cavity between desire and fulfillment.

Whatever lessons might be learnt in the process are only a salve to the unconscious state of the insomniac being, forcing yet another series of desperate attempts to feel positive and gay.

Sometimes it is good not to feel positive.

Sometimes it is good not to feel.

At all.

The beggar begins his day
Reaches his spot
A dog hurries wags n paces
Is served.

Steady strides stop with the sight
Of concern for the cornered
Admiringly.
Destitution does not derail his dedication
For a stranded stray dog
Food finds fissures.

We observe move forget.
Where to?
What lies ahead in a bumpy circular path?
The mounds spiral into hills
Space collapses
Cyclic suffocation.

Dear Eyes

It has been a very long time since I talked with you directly. Life became convoluted with every passing moment and I somehow forgot that my life is connected with yours. In fact, I became so immersed in the conundrums of my own existentialist delusional self that I forgot your blinks are directly proportional to my beats; that even when I chose to sink as and when I felt like and hid in my shell for an indefinite time period, you continued to face the world with all your might, even in the welled up state.

Today I feel I acted weak. While I bled and bled, you never spilled over and bore the internal conjunctivital pain with all the strength. I forgot that you do not lead an independent life of your own. You are but a reflection of my inner self. While I had forgotten to live up to my own spirit, you showed it to the world that I was stronger than my weaknesses; but not as stronger as you are. Thank you for reflecting the truth, yet obfuscating it for me.

Because you are superbly capable of both.

Yours silently

Heart.

Forgetting, although presumably very vain and mundane, is an essentially aesthetic exercise because it leads to purgation of all the heaviness that acts as a parasite killing the host silently, yet profusely. Is forgetting equivalent to forgiving? No, it cannot be.

There is an unconscious element of self definition involved in forgetting- a blissful feeling of oblivion which is a replica of floating in space for example. So we human beings, limited creatures that we are, attempt to remain closely knotted to the present moment while, at the same time, unconsciously and almost desperately desire to slip into the depths of an inexplicable stupor.

Is forgetting good? Sometimes yes. Yes, if it is essential to sustain the selfish human mechanism that we all are inherently built with.

Is this inherently selfish state of oblivion easy to achieve? Certainly not.

Trying to strike equilibrium between remembrance and forgetfulness, and wanting to only remember the pleasant and forget the unpleasant (while being aware of the idealistically erroneous nature of the mere thought), we all defeat the erratic turns of life.

Daily.

These lanes are not those. This moment isn’t comparable to those. I was young then.. i see it now. What if those times come back? Would anything change in the course of life? Would the present as it is today exist then? Would i be able to foresee and not let things happen the way they did? They did and i think it is best that they did. I can see more clearly now. There are no ambiguities.

Are we being watched? All of us? Does all this.. all which happens everyday get recorded? Won’t we forget it all one day? But i walk silently..i do not let these lanes know that they remind me of those. Do i remember everything? No.. why should i claim it! Do events follow a circuitous path or are these elements all pervasive? They might mean something else some other day. They might remind others of something else or… is it just me… is it nothing?

Why does the mind flicker.. memories swarm.. words dissect.. and lives digress? Rivers return, reclaim their course.. unappreciated. They bring destruction. It is never the same. How can i forget.. i am living a diverted life. Or was it how it was meant to be? But why could it not be a smoother transition? How can the reconciliation be crease less? Creases.. nah! Much more than that. I am indifferent now. Why can’t they be too? It won’t prove anything. Not anymore.

It has been a fascinating experience. Rather, a transforming one. The perspective has changed. The realization came gradually. The responsibility has increased immensely. This was chosen but back then, the magnitude wasn’t known.

It was just another course in life. I guess this has just become the course of life. It’s absolutely unbelievable how everything changes from being a student to being a teacher. The heart, however, choses to be partial- it desires to be safe in the shell. Being guided and taken by the hand is such a felicity. It’s just that very few realize it. On second thoughts, very few actually are provided with such an opportunity.

Role reversal has taken place. The effort should be visible. Thoughts must transform into action from the very beginning otherwise the learning would dissipate. It should not be undermined by distractions. The opportunity should reach out to as many as possible through the new channel. The channels must grow.

We all have a bad habit of forgetting things more often than we expect. Sometimes I ask myself  “Is my mind functioning fine?” I tried to give it a thought and instantly came to a conclusion- more often than not, we tend to just look at things, even the most important ones, and not observe them. That’s the main reason of forgetting.

Being thoughtful and observant of things leads our mind to store that important piece of information in a different way- it makes more links than usual.

From now on “Not Just See – Observe to Learn”