And then we came closer
So close we could not see which is which
I went too far
Too far to realise
There was nothing in it for you
Just a distraction, a deviation perhaps.

And as you realise
No length of time would bring your steps back to me
No stretch of tears would make you stretch your arms for me.
My words too insincere
Not worthy of being dignified
My longings too frivolous
Not worthy of being considered.

What could you be looking for
Who knows how long how far
Would you come back
Why are we drifting apart
So apart we cannot see
When
Why
Where

And here I am
Alone
Afraid
Again
Backspace has the key to my mind
I have nothing new
Same stale statements
Old, already known questions
Exactly the same conclusions
Just regular things
Anxieties.
Repetitions.

Looking for ways to navigate this loneliness I come back to you
Back to you repeatedly.
The kohl cannot contain me
Just melts at your thought
Your words do not leave me
I hear just you, overwrought.

The precincts of my being are struggling
World shrinking eyes straining
It is taking away our bit
And altering the scheme of things.
Breathing on bits from possible sources
Living on reports of events already happened
Where am I?
Who?
Why?
You must have forgotten
You cannot be away.
You must have tried
You cannot be less occupied.
I see you smiling, faintly
I see you gliding, stealthily
I wish I could see you with me, occasionally
Here. Near.

This way is all a bit too flamboyant
I grant you to take me for granted
Just do it aesthetically a little more silently a little more deviously.

And yet…
A belief.
Undying.
This would slide.
Just another phase.
For I know
You are mine.

Caught in troubles I thought I shared perhaps,
I lost connect with the rest
Too momentous, outrightly consuming
Too trivial, outrightly rejected.

Lost in deciphering your reveries perhaps,
I found it wasn’t for me
Too distant, evidently symbolic
Too personal, evidently interfering.

Resolved to rediscover the self perhaps,
I arrived at a disturbed dream
Too embroiled, truly inescapable
Too absurd, truly unrealisable.

To the little child heart
To the innocence of dreams
And desires.
To the facade of nonchalance
To the struggle with dilemmas
To looking for meaning
To the most vulnerable moments.

To the monkey spirits
To the countless daily stories
To hearing the unsaid
And saying the unheard.

To the heaves of inconclusivity
To the silence of indecision.

And, most of all
To the instinctive friendship found
and built incidentally.

A travel far away
Into the recesses of time
Counting the cobwebs
Is it ?

Lost in time and space
Painful to eyes
Distant memory
Is it?

Too much to believe
Too much to bear
Delusional
Is it?

Strangled promises
Lost hopes Daily hopes
Round and around
I stay for this
Is it?

And you say
You cannot tell.

I was born out of your circumstances
I am dying with your enterprise

I have altered the course of your life irreversibly
I will leave you amused for the rest of it

I am just one among millions who would come and go
You may have forgiven the others already

I was custom-made for you
You for me
I was endowed with affiliations
You became my receptacle

Time moves differently in my world
Ephemeral I am
Ephemeral I was destined to be
But you would move on.

I have to confess
I have developed an affiliation for you
Yet
I cannot but leave you
For I know I cannot stay
And that you would battle on.

Once a flame keeping you awake
I am just a dwindling flicker now
You became the source of my life
I, the hinges of your experience

For me, you are my entire journey
For you, just a phase…

The word is shattered
Thoughts, Actions, Aspirations
Creations
Poetry.

The word is bizarre
Opinions, Responses, Reactions
Collections
Poetry.

The word is obfuscated
Foresight, Imagination, Recollection
Reminiscences
Poetry.

And they say,
There is nothing to lose.

Keeping you along all the time
Letting you hear the sighs
In thought. In action
In dreams. In reality
In high. In low.

While you witness each new heave
Still hold the hand all the time;
Recording in your heart
The rise. The fall
The hope. The realisation
The hurt. The lesson.

The conveyor of a new light,
You must know
That you, poetry are first love
I don’t know since when.

The welcome of the autumn
The autumn of the skies.

Blades of a callous weather
Familiar indifferent touch.

Footnotes of the sighs
Waiting for the doom.

Looking for the glory of
Once upon a time.

Dreamt of a castle,
Didn’t you?

Ambiguous little images
On the withdrawn ceilings
Night after night
Dream after dream..

Your star is but the brightest illusion in the night sky.

Your rage is another fire, meant to die with melting snowflakes.

Your destiny is another city,
Another cage.

Laying in the abyss of solitude and uncertainity
I dreamt of you.

Distant
Different
Defiant
You refused to acknowledge me.
Is that a dream?

Dissolving
Dilapidated
Disfigured
You chose to look away.
Is that a dream?

Desolute
Discloured
Dismerbered
The heart sank in.

And I woke up.
Still no sign of you.
‘Are you fine?’